Today I found myself waking up to nightmares that have haunted me for days. At breakfast I couldn't bring myself to eat. I hated facing my husband across the table, I hated the sound of my youngest daughter crying and whining on her high chair. My morning wasn't a joy to behold so I went outside instead, and started sweeping the Mahogany seeds that have been so unkind enough to fall into our yard.
You see our household is in such financial ruin and it is affecting me so much that I cannot handle it anymore. This horror is suffocating me.
In my point of view I am sacrificing everything that I have for my family, all the money that my business earns is divided among payments for depot electricity, house electricity, school fees, gasoline expenses, groceries, water payments, gas payments, etc., that I haven't got anything left for myself. I had cash tucked away in the bank to pay for all our obligations, but my husband has his cash problems to deal with, and the only thing to bail him out is to use said funds. I do not know if he ponders on the fact that deadlines for payments are looming and I am in such a mess that my psoriasis is getting worse and I am constantly in a state of anxiety and paranoia. Most of the time I wish business cycles never had lows so that we would always be on top of things as well, sadly that is not the case.
Today, I found myself scrounging for every legitimate PTC sight on the net to earn what little income I might. I searched jobs and applied to every possible position I thought myself qualified on Odesk. Pathetic isn't it. Sometimes I wish all the "get rich quick schemes" were true so that people like me won't have to worry about looking for the next centavo. Well such is life, yesterday we were up, now we are down. I just hope we can find a way out of this ditch soon for all our sakes.
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